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Below are the 6 most recent journal entries recorded in Nicolei's LiveJournal:

Thursday, February 16th, 2006
11:35 pm
Are the only one who's ever understood me on the levels you do. Yes, Hayden's known me longer, so has josh. Who cares? You see how much Josh cares, and for some reason i can never keep in touch with hayden.
I LOVE YOU. More than anybody else on this earth. You are everything to me.

Sierra at work was singin some random shit in rasta-style, and I started cracking up, and told her you'd love her for that
and then i stopped, and felt weird, because i know you'd get along, but i feel like i shouldn't still tell people about you. Like, because we aren't together, I shouldn't think about you constantly. I feel as though it's obsessive, and yet somehow, I don't really care?
You know what i mean.

i love you. and i was hopin i could talk to you tonight, but alas i cannot, so i will not. But I do love you, more than anything else in this earth, or any other.
You ARE my world.
Wednesday, February 15th, 2006
9:34 pm
I don't care!
I know your life is complicated. I know everything about you is complicated. and i love it. every overdyed strand of your frizzy hair, I ADORE!

When you get excited and squeek when you're sayin somethin, and then you stop fora sec 'fore continuin, it's amazingly cute.

When you stick your tongue out to make your burp sound funnier, i always giggle. i can't help it.

when you get scared i want to protect you(refer to bug, on pens. "EWEWEWEWEWEW!!!"hahahahaha)

You smell bad in the morning, but i bet i stank worse! and i don't care if your breath smells funny i'd kiss you anyways.

And i love how short you are it's adorable!

and when you get all pissed off when you're driving, it's hilarious, and makes me feel like holding you until you're all happy again.

you're a crazy bipolar schizo, and I am too! cept the bipolar part.

All I want to say, is that I LOVE YOU!
Saturday, February 11th, 2006
9:05 pm
skrait up bxtch
So I'm not sure
if I'm dying, or if I wish I was.
I wish I had some killer flu
and i just passed, naturally, and high, as i went.
but no such luck.
My head is all clogged up
my eyes hurt
my cheeks are kinda sunburnt from bein outside so much today without a hat on

my right knee's been hurting a lot.
And I just want to stay home tomorrow, and call in sick
and just do my laundry, and clean my room, and sleep.

but i won't
because i need money
(refer to How High's, "I NEED MONEY")
i need a bitch. a special bitch.
I want my cherry pie.

peace yall
Friday, February 10th, 2006
9:06 am
let it rain
Fuckin holiday, with all of it's happy-go-fucky lovebirds.
most of you anyways.

Throughout all of my changes, one thing has never changed. My love for her.
And now it's the only thing that isn't for me.

My homies. Still there. Work. Still there. Stupid little girls. Still there.

And my love for her makes me feel worthless.
The fact that I can't get past it, makes me worthless. The fact that I'm still stuck on her, and everything she does, makes me worthless.
I love her. I will continue to, always. I know this now. I can't shut it off. I can only change how I react to it, as evidecned by the fact that I'm not incessantly crying and expressing massive waves of depression.
And the fact that she can't trust me, while expected, just makes me feel like 24k gold.8-|{{{sarcasm}}}

alright i've gotta get a new license card.
I might be back

Wednesday, February 8th, 2006
6:17 am
I still just can't fuckin get it!
It doesn't make sense to me
how two people, so perfect for eachother, could avoid it...
all because of their love for one another.

If you're reading this. I don't fucking get it.
I'm sorry. i can't see what you see. You're far too amazing, and give yourself far too little credit. Do you even understand what "12.5 hour workday" says right fuckin there?

It would never be an obligation. It would be divine. But I'll never get the chance to show you, apparently.

Love is the cause of my despair.

And now there is this recurring thought. Everybody else uses love so loosely, and casually. Maybe that's the case here. Everything I've said to her, I've meant entirely... but i can only run on faith for so long.

I will ALWAYS want to be with you.
And it will ALWAYS be my pleasure to help you

What does it take to show you how much I love you? Because you really don't see it

Current Mood: insanelevelsofdepression?
Tuesday, January 31st, 2006
11:10 pm
1st post
and hello there, im nicolei, welcome to my crappy, gay, trendy eljay. I hope you rot in hell if you don't like it.<3

Current Mood: bored
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